27 June 2009

ALL I WANNA SAY IS THAT THEY DON'T REALLY CARE ABOUT US 

Watching old Michael Jackson videos, reading through his life story, I am overwhelmed with a helpless sense of sadness. He died of a heart attack induced by a coctail of drugs and painkillers and I have been reflecting on his life and what could have been done to save him since I heard the sad news yesterday... 

Looking back, the first black American singer I became fond of as a child, he was just phenomenal. Inventor of the moonwalk and both artistically and commercially successful music videos, with his glittering costumes and impressive stage performances Michael Jackson was every inch of a pop star. I Want You Back, I’ll Be There, Billie Jean, Thriller, Beat It, Bad, Man In The Mirror, The Way You Make Me Feel all secured their place among the most unforgettable pop songs long ago. His contribution to music and his unquestionable talent earned him an incredible fortune as well as the title of ‘world’s most famous person’. But was this all he wanted?

Did he really crave fame and fortune or was he just a boy who was ripped off his childhood? Even though I have some similarities with him (we are both Virgos and share a favourite fictional movie character: E.T.) I always sensed he was somewhere else. His most secret wishes as in what he would want to be seemed at odds with what he was in the public eye. Judging by his song lyrics and dance moves I think he had an unmistakable sex appeal but there has also been speculation that he was not sexual at all. Having Brooke Shields as his girlfriend was odd, as was his declaration over being proud of his race whilst he kept changing his appearance to what seemed a Caucasian look that does not even look masculine. He would have grown to an attractive black man if he allowed, but instead he chose to alter his appearance continuously. Despite claiming that a skin disorder made his skin colour go lighter, and having had only 2 surgeries in his whole life, he seemed to believe in his own lies. It is probable that he lived his life in denial. Having a violent and abusive father, and a devoted Jehovah’s Witness mother, surely he must have been a very confused child. To him sex was dirty, and probably he was really scared of people, which I find very sensible. That’s why he sought friendship in animals and children because they were what they seemed, and with no hidden agenda they would accept him just as he was, not expecting anything from him apart from his companionship. 

Michael Jackson was loved by many but love can prove fatal sometimes. As a mega star whose albums reached best selling records, he was never short of dedicated fans. But as it happens, their love was not enough to save his tortured soul. He said he wanted to live forever, but his life was cut short at the age of 51. If he lived for another 2 months, he would have been 52 and maybe, subconsciously he wanted to escape that fate of growing old. Because he was a modern day Peter Pan, and facing the harsh realities of the world was just scary for him. 50 concerts lined up in Britain must be enough to put great pressure on any star, but him being in so much debt, it must have been even harder. Remembering some of his songs, he really did have a gentle soul.

"...
Protection
For gangs, clubs
And nations
Causing grief in
Human relations
Its a turf war
On a global scale
Id rather hear both sides
Of the tale
See, its not about races
Just places
Faces
Where your blood
Comes from
Is where your space is"

He tried to raise awareness for poor people in Africa, he helped build hospitals for children, he emphasised the importance of love and empathy, inviting people to set aside their prejudices in racial and circumstantial differences, he was a well-meaning man with some sound moral values. I do believe that he really was a gentle, vulnerable and well meaning child-man, and for this, his deceptive or misleading declarations about his personal life can be excused I think.

In 1985 , Michael Jackson produced a great song called "We Are The World" together with Lionel Richie in a bid to raise money for African causes. Many stars joined them to sing the song together, chanting the lyrics:  

There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me 

This was the work of a man who believed in greater good. Child molestation claims may be false, and I hope they are false, but if they are not false it is quite possible that Michael Jackson may have got himself to believe that his actions were based on pure love. After all, he had a different perception of love and life. He was a lost child really, probably feeling lonely in huge crowds. He must have had times when he reflected on his own life like he put it into Man In The Mirror:

"...
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place"

On the other hand, I don’t think the world was equally kind or understanding towards him. I suspect both his parents harmed him in one way or the other. Finding himself in the spotlight from the age of 6, he never had a normal childhood and his perception of the world probably stayed around that age. Calling his ranch Neverland was merely a cry for help. Seeking company in children, going around with his pet chimpanzee Bubbles, getting over-excited about Benny Hill, pouring his money into fun fairs and toys, he was just a big kid and in order to stay that way he probably needed prescription drugs and synthetic painkillers. He had to avoid reality, media interest and perhaps the overwhelming love of his fans. Because in modern times, this is what we do to our loved ones. Being a celebrity is not easy - we are suffocating them with our so called love, watching their every move, speculating over their decisions, personal relationships, their clothes, their earnings... judging and loving, judging and hating, criticising, prompting paparazzi to give these poor people no space... Fascination turns to a destructive force. For a while I feared Britney Spears would end up like this and obviously this still being possible, the same fate may also be awaiting for many other singers, actors, footballers and other public figures.

"...
Beat me, hate me
You could never break me
Will me, thrill me
You could never kill me
Do me, sue me
Everybody do me
Kick me, hike me
Don't you black or white me

All I wanna say is that
They don't really care about us"

Perhaps for Michael Jackson dying young was the unexpected happy ending. I just hope he finally found peace where he is now. And I hope he can see or feel the clumsy but nevertheless the very big love people have for him and I hope he forgives us for our lack of empathy. Fans have been in mourning since his death, tributes coming from all over the world and we all know he was one of a kind, the prince of pop. Let’s hope his death teaches us something: We all have a direct or indirect responsibility in other people’s lives. Whether these other people are in a far better place than us, or they are in the family, whether we are just fans, or friends, neighbours or parents: We affect one another and therefore we all have the power to make a difference. We all have a choice. Sometimes love is not enough on its own, as it can be restricting or even fatal. We also need to learn to understand each other, love each other without expectations and when the time comes set each other free. As it reads in his song: 

"...
There comes a time
When we head a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
And it's time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all"

Wherever you are now, sleep in peace Michael.